I started this post while watching my boys play at the park. I was thinking about posting something about spending time with kids. As I started to write, it was as if the Lord smacked me upside the head and said, “Stop writing about what you’re not doing right this moment.”
After finishing at the park, this post took a different turn. Instead, I’d like to speak to parents, spouses, or anyone living with or near someone they love.
Your media devices can rob you of the most precious moments with those people. My kids won’t be kids forever. When they’re 21 and out of the home, I won’t be thankful for how well I kept up with social media. Instead, I’ll wish I had spent more time making memories.
With that, here are five places where your media should be off limits. By media, I’m referring to phones, tablets, televisions, or computers. Protect these times to be engaged with God, your family, and the ones you love most (as opposed to all those Facebook “friends” you hardly know).
1. At the table
When I was growing up, we had one rule at the table: you can talk about anything…ANYTHING…as long as you included everyone in the conversation. Needless to say, I took that rule to places I’m sure my parents never imagined when they made the rule.
Instead of checking your emails, catching up on Facebook, or scrolling down your Instagram feed, take time to talk about your day. Engage in meaningful and loving conversation.
Or just have fun. I know of one pastor who has designated “food fight night” with spaghetti. Be sure your wife is ok with that first, of course.
2. In the car
One of the ways I fell in love with music and singing was the many times we sang in the car while on deputation. Whether it was Patch the Pirate, Sunday school songs, Disney or the latest West Coast Baptist College CD (seriously, not advertising here), we would sing and harmonize together.
We spend much of our time getting things done at home or at work. This means that when we ride anywhere together—to church, a restaurant, or the store—we have unparalleled, undivided attention.
If you’re driving, it’s illegal in many states to use your device, so this should be obvious for you.
But if you’re the passenger, don’t think this is your “get things done” moment. This isn’t the time to check emails or social media. Take advantage of the attention.
By the way, this is not just when the kids are in the car. Your spouse would appreciate your attention as well. I doubt they would complain if you put your phone away and just talked instead.
3. In a church service
Do you like it when people text or check their phones while you’re talking to them? Does it make you feel that they value your conversation and relationship? Probably not.
It’s amazing enough that the God of the universe would desire to be near to us, but we can’t seem to disconnect even for the duration of our short, streamlined services.
When you enter into a worship service, I’d encourage you to put your phone away. I understand that some of us have to keep it accessible in case a nursery worker needs us or in the case of an emergency, but it’s amazing how often those “emergencies” tempt us to check our social media.
If there is anytime we should seek to be totally focused and undistracted, it should be when we are offering God our worship. Since this post is mostly about family, I would be remiss not to mention the incredibly poor example you set for your children. Just put it away.
4. Around bedtime
Since the time my first child was old enough to interact with me, bedtime has been a favorite time to read, talk, and just enjoy the wonders of parenthood. While it was amazing at first, it wasn’t long before I began to take it for granted. I’d find myself sitting next to his bed on my phone “winding down.” He would gradually just slip away to sleep, but I wouldn’t notice for several more minutes.
Time would not permit me to cite all the research that speaks to the importance of reading, singing, snuggling, and otherwise showing high levels of affection during these early years. But once again, they will not want you to read to them forever. They will not always want you to pray with them, tuck them in, or even be around before bed. Don’t waste this incredible time with your young children.
This is also true for your spouse. Bedtime should not be screen time. We’ve tried to have a time when all the media is turned off, with the exception from time to time for late night studying or planning. In general, though, your evenings are better spent engaging with those in your home, not on your phone. It’s also better for your sleep. We’ve probably all stayed up later than we intended because of something we were reading/watching on our device.
5. First thing in the morning
There is one thing I remember with great distinction from my early childhood. At 6:33 A.M., I would hear an alarm go off in the room next to me. Sometimes I would get out of bed and walk out to the living room to find my dad reading his Bible and drinking a cup of coffee. I observed it as a child and I remember it to this day. You may not use the mornings for your devotional time, but I do encourage you to do it when your family can see it.
There is something powerful about rituals…following the same routine when you get up in the morning (assuming you didn’t stay up too late on your device). Even if this is not the time you designate to spending time in prayer and in God’s Word, there are many reasons you should avoid picking up the device first thing in the morning.
First, you should spend this time to plan and prepare for the day. Accessing your device will almost always waste time, leaving you in a rush to clean up, eat, and plan. If you don’t use that time to focus, your rush will almost always cause you to stress. Stress makes you forgetful and typically leads to a less productive day.
Second, we often read “that post” or “that news” and it completely derails our minds for the rest of the day. You can either guide your thinking toward God’s goodness and faithfulness resulting in the joy of the Lord throughout the day, or you could let some gossip or bad news leave you discouraged and defeated before the day begins.
Bonus: In rehearsal
Forgive me, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to lament the use of devices during musical rehearsals. It’s frustrating. It’s rude. It’s unprofessional. It’s immature. Don’t disrespect your fellow musicians or the preparation of your choir director by texting, checking game scores, or writing emails. There…got that out of my system.
Don’t let your devices rob you of the greatest opportunities to make memories with the ones you love. When you’re old, I think you’ll cherish those memories more than any entertainment you found on your device.
